First Steps on the Path

I often tune out the world and tune in to my headphones in search of inspiration.  This week I got a double dose as I was catching up on some posts by a fellow blogger during my 'musical mass' as I like to call it.  A song can not only offer something through lyrics, but can take you somewhere else entirely.  Any Beatles song can jog my mind to a certain place in time and bring back memories that may open a window for thought.

"Everyone dies.  But not everyone lives."

ponder that one for a second and think of what it means to you

For me it brought about a quick self assessment and 'yeah, I'm living.'  But then I really thought about it and scores of feelings that have been boiling in my gray matter over the past months came to the surface.  Well, no, I'm not really alive right now.  As my daughter has grown into a highly active and inquisitive toddler I've struggled to keep up with her constant need for knowledge/companionship/leadership/guidance/ and everything in between.  Being pulled in so many directions as a parent, along with all the other events life has thrown my way recently, has left me in a loop of floating from day to day.  When you forget about yourself and the little things that bring you joy, then you live mainly to serve purposes and the positive energy that starts your day off with a smile dissolves.  This topic has been forming in my thoughts and Stew's post launched it to the forefront along with other random events this past week.

One such trigger was a visit to my parents' place for a short vacation over the holidays.  They were displaced, as have many, from Michigan a few years ago and resettled in lovely Charleston, SC.  There's a sort of a, well, we'll call it a Catch-22 for lack of a better description.  They live in a great place, have a wonderful social life, lots of things to keep them occupied but there is an underlying paranoia wrapped around the fear of yet again losing their jobs and nearly obsessive worrying about money that is holding them back from living out their dreams.  The wife and I have always tried to maintain at least some sense of adventure no matter how broke we were at times, though seeing my parents in that state shocked me into realization that we, ourselves, could easily slide into a similar path of drudge if not aware.

I stumbled upon a few more signposts this week while catching up on reading.  The first was an article in some trash magazine the wife was reading.  She pointed out a story on Drew Carey and his weight loss/road to better health.  Turns out in my pile of material was the Parks & Rec winter issue with my earmark on the exercise programs.  I've become a sloth this past summer due to being overwhelmed in my parental duties.  I hit a rough patch and all but eliminated my long hikes on the trails.  I used to load my toddler in the backpack an hit the dirt, but somehow never managed to meld her independence and inquisitiveness with being able to move more than ten feet down a path.  It was a great learning experience as she poked through every little blade of grass, but I lost out on my only real physical activity and didn't work hard enough to replace that time.  So, here I sit with a nice guy perched on the waistband and aching hip joints.

So.  Now what?  How do I start living again?  Past experience has proven motivation will be hard to come by on its own.  Being forced into a schedule is likely what will be required.  Thus the reason I had the Parks & Rec guide handy.  I discovered back int he summer that they had not only a small and inexpensive gym, but also inexpensive child care to boot.  Obviously motivation never took hold.  Signing up for some sort of exercise program might just do the trick to get me on a regimen.  Because hey, with the wife working midnights 7 on/7 off and me working weekends, I have absolutely no structured schedule anymore.

I recognize there are aspects of my life which need to be rearranged and/or improved.  I am also starting to feel a strong desire to make these changes; not only for my own well being, but for my little nuclear family.  I'm not too worried about my daughter since every little thing we do is geared towards her happiness and always giving her the best little nudges forward as she grows.  However, I know the wife is also in a rut with me and my task will not be complete until she shares that positive energy and smiles on life with me.



All You Needs is Now...